Paycheck Player Gifts

'Your heart's not in the job - admit you're only doing it for the money!'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

Dolphins playing on a seesaw.

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

"I never said they were well-compensated. I just said they were paid handsomely."

"To be honest the culture sucks, but the pay is amazing."

"Here's your paycheck. I hope we'll both find it amusing."

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

'Are you looking for something in light blue, or dark blue, chips?'

'No raise, but we can make your desk and chair one-inch taller.'

'Stare at it all you want sir, but I can assure you, no one is going to jump out and yell 'April Fools.'

PAYMASTER, 'Just to be on the safe side, we withheld EVERYTHING this week.'

'I'm prepared to pay you a living wage. Of course, what kind of a living you get out of it is entirely up to you.'

PAYMASTER, 'Just to be on the safe side, we withheld EVERYTHING this week.'

"I've been too busy investing my enormous salary to be bothered running the company."

'The only thing keeping me from being successful is not having a salary.'

"With so many applicants for a few jobs, we can lower the pay and drop the benefits!"

'They were two payroll cowboys riding together.'

Hole Sale

'I suppose you've often wondered what you'd do if you had my income.'

"Of course the job has benefits - you benefit by getting a paycheck every week!"

'I could be happy with less.. but I'd rather be ecstatic with more.'

' I earn a six-figure income, if you count those two little numbers after the decimal point.'

Insect grammar. Termite. Termitier. Termitiest.

'Here are today's numbers: I earn $1369 per day, an increase of $548 per day over my previous job...'

Strike A Balance

Look, you know what models get paid. Don't act all freaked out by your check!

Earth seen from Space (restricted view).

"Apparently, we don't negotiate for a pay rise anymore. We have to put forward a case for not taking a pay cut."

"Would you like your paycheck sent directly to your mortgage holder, your oil company or your health insurance provider?"

"Looks like we invested in a dysfunctional family of funds."

'If that's the going salary, then what's the starting salary?'

'Of course I'm overpaid, everyone is overpaid!'