Paycheck Navigator Gifts

"I know the symptoms are depressing... but it's nothing to worry about, he's just trying to work out what the new pay award means!"

'We divested ourselves of a division here, a subsidiary there, a branch here, an affiliate there...there's nothing left!'

Fiscal Compass for the Global Investor.

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

'I think you need to reboot your fiscal compass.'

'I'll see your Social Security Supplement and raise you Medicare and a Canadian pharmacy ID.'

'It's a private school. Can't say which one, it's private.'

"Here's your paycheck. I hope we'll both find it amusing."

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

I think I can...

'This new role will involve some extra responsibilities...of course you'll appreciate that there won't be any extra funding...it's a role for which you are uniquely qualified!'

'Your heart's not in the job - admit you're only doing it for the money!'

'You're allergic to feathers.'

'No raise, but we can make your desk and chair one-inch taller.'

'Stare at it all you want sir, but I can assure you, no one is going to jump out and yell 'April Fools.'

'We're going to need a bit more than comfortably off, I'm afraid.'

'Here are today's numbers: I earn $1369 per day, an increase of $548 per day over my previous job...'

"She used to shop until she dropped, but with online shopping, we lost that protection."

' I earn a six-figure income, if you count those two little numbers after the decimal point.'

"Of course the job has benefits - you benefit by getting a paycheck every week!"

Look, you know what models get paid. Don't act all freaked out by your check!

'It looks like your pension gap is finally catching up with us!'

New US tariffs...

"Whoa, don't hand me my pay cheque. I'm allergic to peanuts!"

"Don't even bother asking for a raise. He'll just tell you to go to Hell."

"My take home pay must have gone to someone else's house."

"The bad news is your pay will now be performance-based. The good news is they've just raised the minimum wage."

Thank you for being so kind and approving my loan application. How can I ever repay you?'

Thought for Wednesday

Ben Bernanke

jumping hoops for mortgages and loans...

'To be honest, I did expect a better bonus this year.'

"Mom, Dad, is my old room ready? It will be nice to take a few years off and rest."

'Doc, when I had a look at my salary statement, I got a motivation leak'!

'I'll need a bigger allowance now, Dad, or I'll have to get a job.'