Patient Skeptic Gifts

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

Radiology, Cardiology and Fertility Clinic.

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

'Your test results are in - and here's a first, the Lab Techs have asked to meet you.'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

"Sometimes I wonder about what our patients have to take."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"I'm putting you on a stronger placebo."

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

Myth Diagnosis

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"It's supposed to be some kind of aphrodisiac, but it hasn't done jack for me."

'Your employer's health plan automatically cancels your coverage once you get sick.'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'Sorry, our HMO doesn't approve treatments of 'owies'.'

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

"Your medical insurance doesn't cover 'Acts of God' like illness"

'Mrs. Tomkins says her prescription has no side effects, so it can't be doing her any good.'

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'