Patient Skeptic Prints

"Just ignore me. I think I dropped one of my tools."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

Radiology, Cardiology and Fertility Clinic.

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

'Your test results are in - and here's a first, the Lab Techs have asked to meet you.'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

"Sometimes I wonder about what our patients have to take."

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"I'm putting you on a stronger placebo."

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

Myth Diagnosis

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

"It's supposed to be some kind of aphrodisiac, but it hasn't done jack for me."

"Your insurance company decided the heart surgery isn't necessary, but they said they'd approve breast augmentation."

'Sorry, our HMO doesn't approve treatments of 'owies'.'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'Your employer's health plan automatically cancels your coverage once you get sick.'

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

"Your medical insurance doesn't cover 'Acts of God' like illness"

'Mrs. Tomkins says her prescription has no side effects, so it can't be doing her any good.'