Prescription Skeptic Gifts

"I'm putting you on a stronger placebo."

'As I said, the medication won't cure you, but it will make you more comfortable for the duration.'

"He's all red, white and blue - vitamins, aspirin and Viagra."

"Sometimes I wonder about what our patients have to take."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Let me assure you that my congressional delegation and I are devoting our full attention to the harmful effects of e-cigarettes. . ."

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

The suggestion box.

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

Cupid misses his shot.

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

'Too much Omega 3.'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

Man sees hug capsules: 'Not to be taken Orally.'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

Low self esteem workshop - 'You missed it. It finished two hours ago, you useless pillock.'

We at pharmacorp are 100% behind the benefits of spiritual and artistic therapies which is why we've developed 'megazymol' to enhance the experience!

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

"It's from a girl in my class. Should I be thinking about a prenup?"

Yes, but.

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

A shrink charges $200 an hour, but double chocolate layer cake is only $19.95.