Pharmacy Skeptic Gifts

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Let me assure you that my congressional delegation and I are devoting our full attention to the harmful effects of e-cigarettes. . ."

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Too much Omega 3.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

Man sees hug capsules: 'Not to be taken Orally.'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

We at pharmacorp are 100% behind the benefits of spiritual and artistic therapies which is why we've developed 'megazymol' to enhance the experience!

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

"Sometimes I wonder about what our patients have to take."

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

Medical Supplies

"You know it's the American drug companies that give you the headache that is cured by the pills they sell you."

Prescription Drugs '96.

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"Good news - we're merging with Pinetree Pharma. They make the cures for all the harm our drugs do."

Side Effects

'Human clinical trials start in six months. Sooner if we run out of mice.'

'The problem is that you're overmedicated. Luckily there are drugs that can help with that.'

Placebonex: 'Make sure to take it every day, otherwise the effect wears off.'

Calm down...this is for your own good.

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"