Patient Of Distinction Gifts

'The good news is that we're going to name the disease after you.'

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

Invoice: 'That's good laughter is the best medicine.'

'Bored?'

Radiology, Cardiology and Fertility Clinic.

'Isn't this cast great? Dr. Emily's minor was sculpture in college!'

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.

"Ah, the waiter ... And I was beginning to wonder if we really existed!"

'Your test results are in - and here's a first, the Lab Techs have asked to meet you.'

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"Dehumanization, maybe, but not depersonalization."

"Are you going to move?"

'You gotta help me, doctor! I took a deep breath to get some fresh air and inhaled my Blackberry!'

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

A feast in a hospital bed.

'It's the paperwork you need to fill out to show that we're focussing on patients needs.'

'There's only one side effect from this medication. It starts when you don't pay my bill!'

Man hospitalized and in a full body cast is reading bedtime stories.

Mortified that her hospital gown did not close all the way in the back...

'I can give up drinking and lead a normal life?- Make up your mind, will you?'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

"Take me! After 15 minutes of cell phone chatter and day-time TV, a colonoscopy will be a relief!"

"He complains like a kid over a minor cold. He's such a groan man!"

Burt's love of garlic was making him most unpopular with the other patients.

"...The sun sank slowly in the west. Time slowed down to a crawl, and there was no reason to hurry. The tortoise knew he had time to kill. Haste makes waste, he thought..."

I stood in line for an hour only to find out there's a height requirement. You must be this tall. Waits and measures!

'-and who's next?'

'There's a new push to improve the quality of food available...here's the takeovut menus for Ling's Chinese and the Indian in the High St!'

'I don't suppose it occured to you to simply agree to disagree?'

Expect delays.

Chess players covered in cobwebs

'Stop complaining or I'll take you home and serve you some of my husband's cooking!'

Sven behaving badly - "That's a nasty skvint. I'm gonna haf to sterilise you."