Past-life Adventurer Gifts

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

"Just one more question before I let you in...I can let you in...are you a cat or dog person?"

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

"Needs to get a life"

"Can Olaf come out to pillage and plunder?"

"It's true: no more burpees."

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

A surprise in heaven

"I do tech support for the cloud."

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

Saint Peter will sometimes put on a disguise just to play a prank on the new arrivals.

'Somehow an electronic fish finder just isn't as exciting as a 'Ben fish finder'.'

Halo Frisbee.

'This is way better than a litter box.'

I used to love coming here. Nudist beach.

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

"Hey, would you mind taking a quick sculpture of me and my family?"

"I told you to pack a damned sweater."

'You sloth and gluttony guys have it easy -- I'm here for envy!'

"I don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's undead."

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

"Your long-range investments would have made you a very wealthy man."

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

2pm meet your Creator

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

Exit. I never get tired of watching them fall for that.

'Why can't we go on a field trip to heaven?

'I can't wait for Power Point.'