Afterlife Adventurers Gifts

Concierge in Heaven

"Smoking or non-smoking?"

'When I type in your name plus sin, sir, there are over twenty million results.'

'It could be worse. In Hell you play the bagpipes.'

'My name was actually Smithkowicz, but they heaven-ized it to Smith.'

'It was an incredibly healing experience, but somehow, I still wound up dead!'

"It started as an out-of body experience but I forgot the password to get back in."

"Swag."

'Why can't we go on a field trip to heaven?

'It's going to be a while. Would you care to wait in Purgatory?'

'Unless you're going to pass, get the hell out of the left lane!'

'Homer!'

"I understand he's here on a business trip."

"Oh, we do this for every posthumous release."

Man at Heaven's gate with different college letter than St. Pete

Heaven towing service

"Seriously, what if I don't have my death certificate and a photo I.D.?"

"You've been randomly selected for additional screening."

"It's true: no more burpees."

"The 'Ex' huh?"

"Have you had a cough in the last 14 days?"

"Looks as though we got out just in time!"

"Chuck, you were a model human throughout your life. I invite you to return to Earth as anything you please."

Coach transfer to heaven

'Computer error! What do you mean computer error?'

Angel with dog playing fetch attached.

'You didn't get your 15 minutes of fame? You may be eligible for a cash rebate.'

'One nice thing about this, it has overcome my fear of height.'

We should talk...

'Hey, it's Heaven, why wouldn't we cash in on that?'

Heaven is unattended...leave your prayers at the sound of the tone.

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

Smoke break in Heaven

'Dude! Did you even check if that cloak had a flame retardant, before you bought it?'

Tickets. Game Today. Football is not the same up here. Buying a ticket from a scalper won't get you in --- You have to see Saint Peter to get through the gate. Need Ticket. The players literally fly around the field. And all penalties are forgiven. Are there any similarities to the game on earth? Yeah. When the officials review a close play, it takes an eternity!