Angelic Afterlife Adventurer Gifts

Shower before entering heaven.

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

"Just one more question before I let you in...I can let you in...are you a cat or dog person?"

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

Astral Projection

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

The Gospel According To Jane Brody"Orange, come in. Apple, come in. Hey you, frankfurter, hold it right there."

"Needs to get a life"

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

"It's true: no more burpees."

A surprise in heaven

"I do tech support for the cloud."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

Halo Frisbee.

'This is way better than a litter box.'

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"Damnit—Every game ends in stalemate."

Saint Peter will sometimes put on a disguise just to play a prank on the new arrivals.

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

"It turns out you can 'take it with you' if you pack correctly."

I used to love coming here. Nudist beach.

'Look man, no wings!'

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

"Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!"

"Really? That's the only game in this house?"

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

Orientation: Welcome to Hell

"Must we have ten minutes blasphemy every night?"

'You sloth and gluttony guys have it easy -- I'm here for envy!'

Free ticket to heaven... details inside