Afterlife Enthusiast Gifts

"Sorry for the racket... there are billions of dogs up here, and they get a little excited when someone's at the gate."

"I just feel we'd know more people in Hell."

"These records are inaccurate, out of date and misleading. Haven't you got a priv

'He insisted on taking it with him.'

"You'll never get that past security."

'Go ahead and get a lawyer, but where do you think you'll find one around here?'

"That's it? Salesman of the month, August '87?"

'I'm afraid you did commit all these sins, sir. Would you like to see the video?'

'I realize that this may be carping, but I never did live long enough to enjoy my I.R.A. account.'

"This merger is to give us a better grip on our respective markets."

Man Crosses Finish Line At Heaven's Pearly Gates

"Sorry I'm late, but it took them a week to determine that I was legally dead."

Life on cloud 8

"Then it's agreed. Watson, Smith, Teller, and Wilson go to Heaven; Jones, Paducci, and Horner go to Hell; and Fenton and Miller go to arbitration."

'Smoking or non?'

"Anything's possible if you know the right people."

'Apparently it's no longer cost effective.'

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

'You're dead. But don't worry ? it sounds a lot worse than it is.'

'To be honest, I was a little disappointed. It's hard for a place like this to live up to the hype.'

'Well, I don't know anything about 'identity theft'. All I can tell you, is that according to these records you're already here.'

Halo Repair

'See you next week Lazarus.'

'Take this pager. It will light up when we're ready for you.'

'Another stupid near-death experience. Try not to take it personally.'

Death of a Salesman...

'We've always used profiling.'

"And lastly, for all eternity, French, blue cheese, or ranch?"

'...Actually my wife told me to stand in this queue!'

'He'll need time to adjust -- he was a Unitarian.'

"Sir, I'm sorry to inform you, but you won't be going through the gate today. We do have this lovely hand basket that'll be taking you to your destination."

'One question. Now that death's over and done with, do I still have to worry about taxes?'

Good - Bad - Don't know.

'Hey look! There's people up here too!'

"Actually, this isn't quite how I pictured my final judgement!"