Afterlife Aficionado Gifts

'And how satisfied are you with the facilities? 1 very satisfied, 2 satisfied but with some reservations, 3...'

'I prearranged and prepaid my funeral. I shouldn't have to stand in line.'

"Apparently, too much of a good thing is a bad thing."

'See, right here, rule number 6...'you can't take it with you!'

"Bad news - you're alive, so you have to go back down."

'You think this is hot. Try having hot flashes, too.'

'We've re-branded.'

"It's very nice. I just think they could add a spa."

'What's the wi-fi like?'

You Are Entering God's Country. A Pearly-Gated Community.

'When you meet him, whatever you do, don't say 'Oh My God'.'

There, Their, They're

'Any chance of plea bargaining?'

'What's this about you wanting a royalty for each client you bring to us?'

"That's one thing you can't get up here, a good hot curry."

'I had an overwhelming urge to be nice again. I think I need a holiday.'

"...I only have one problem. I'm allergic to feathers!"

"I think the main attraction down here is it's marvellous for pot holing."

Angels buying bleach.

"Remember how sure you were nobody would notice how much you'd fudged on your deductions?"

'St Peter is on break with St Paul- I'm Minneapolis.'

"Sorry, we first have to do a background check."

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

'I'm here on probation.'

'Sorry, the boss said it's a 'use it or lose it' policy, so if you didn't have your 'day' on earth, you don't get to have it here!'

Judgment day: 'Ignorance is bliss!'...'But it's no excuse!'

'You can take that off now.'

'Here he comes - Look busy!'

'Hi! You're at the Pearly Gates Interactive Welcome Center. To hear harps and an angelic choir, press 1. To order a DVD of this very special ceremony, press 2. Press 3 if you'd like...'

"Abandon hope, all ye who enter here! But first direct your attention to Brendan as he goes over some housekeeping items."

'You'll have to wait a couple of minutes... we're still downloading information from your soul's black box recorder.'

'Outlived my income.'

Turns out I evolved just in time to get in.

"Damn—we just missed him."

"...And you get a complimentary t-shirt."