Afterlife Aficionado Pillows

'And how satisfied are you with the facilities? 1 very satisfied, 2 satisfied but with some reservations, 3...'

'I prearranged and prepaid my funeral. I shouldn't have to stand in line.'

"Apparently, too much of a good thing is a bad thing."

'See, right here, rule number 6...'you can't take it with you!'

"Bad news - you're alive, so you have to go back down."

'We've re-branded.'

"It's very nice. I just think they could add a spa."

'What's the wi-fi like?'

There, Their, They're

You Are Entering God's Country. A Pearly-Gated Community.

'Any chance of plea bargaining?'

"That's one thing you can't get up here, a good hot curry."

'When you meet him, whatever you do, don't say 'Oh My God'.'

'What's this about you wanting a royalty for each client you bring to us?'

"...I only have one problem. I'm allergic to feathers!"

"I think the main attraction down here is it's marvellous for pot holing."

Angels buying bleach.

'I had an overwhelming urge to be nice again. I think I need a holiday.'

'You can take that off now.'

Judgment day: 'Ignorance is bliss!'...'But it's no excuse!'

'You'll have to wait a couple of minutes... we're still downloading information from your soul's black box recorder.'

'I'm here on probation.'

'Outlived my income.'

'Sorry, the boss said it's a 'use it or lose it' policy, so if you didn't have your 'day' on earth, you don't get to have it here!'

'Here he comes - Look busy!'

'Hi! You're at the Pearly Gates Interactive Welcome Center. To hear harps and an angelic choir, press 1. To order a DVD of this very special ceremony, press 2. Press 3 if you'd like...'

'St Peter is on break with St Paul- I'm Minneapolis.'

"Abandon hope, all ye who enter here! But first direct your attention to Brendan as he goes over some housekeeping items."

"Sorry, we first have to do a background check."

"Remember how sure you were nobody would notice how much you'd fudged on your deductions?"

After-Death Mints

"Go ahead, finish your beer."

"Damn—we just missed him."

"Did you bring a duplicate copy of your 'Times' obit with you?"

"Lucy, move - you're blocking Pliny the Elder."