Part-time Parishioner Gifts

"My parents will come to church again if you switch to rose."

"I AM committed to church. I go sometimes, once in a while, and every now and then."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

Follow God On Twitter

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

Two men in T-shirts, one shirt says Jesus loves me, the other Jesus loves me more.

'Getting ready for the church chili supper is bad enough without you calling it the 'Pre-Tribulation'!'

"We're callin' 'im Bill, coz he came at the end of the month"

Fitness in church.

I'm only a part-time waiter, I'm really an actor.

'I still love you - I just think we need some time away from each other.'

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

"I didn't say, 'Simon says'..."

church

A shy parish cleric seeking to talk business with a lady

A Consideration Certainly

'Do you want to tell him or should I?'

"Today's message really convicted me Preacher. Good thing church is only once a week."

'Wait a minute -- you did all this stuff in a VIDEO GAME?'

'I don't know what you're complaining about. I should charge you for breathing my second hand smoke. This happens to be a very expensive Cuban cigar!'

Church sign: Now With WiFi.

"Hi Daddy! Mummy said to tell you she's gone to chew the cud next door with Daisy..."

Shepherd

Eat at Mo's.

"Just for a while dear, we must part."

"As a single young male at this church I am uncomfortable being constantly evaluated for marriage potential."

I got a call from my agent so I have to step out for an audition. I'll be back before you are ready for dessert.

He's gone too far this time. Rudy? He said he's decided to become a person of faith. He said it's the hip thing to be. But he's not totally clear on the concept. I'm not available on Sundays. Oh, come on now.

"The civic league agreed to honor him as a pillar of the community, with the stipulation that he's not a load-bearing one."

Just type your name, fill in the amount and pass the collection iPad to your right.