Parish Storyteller Gifts

Vicar's wife to vicar - "And if you can't be good, be careful!"

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

'It's really more of a family forest than a family tree.'

True confessions.

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"It's cool – God told us to!"

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

"No, son, you’re not ‘M for Mature.’"

Children's Party

"When I was young my parents couldn't afford to give me too much, too soon."

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

'Riley, I think it's time you learned the truth... You're adopted.'

"Still, you've got to admit our being swallowed by a fish has its humorous aspects!"

"Oh, she talk a lot...but only about her children."

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

'You were a band geek?! Maybe Max will play an instrument!'

Summer in Elysium and The long vacation in Arcadia

"See those birch trees on the other side of the pond? That’s the exact spot where your mother first called me an idiot."

Wyatt returns home to visit his old small town.

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

"Grandpa, how did you ever survive without apps?"

'It is a big day! Ten years ago, yout dad joined the union!'

'He's great, he can even fetch the paper. Off the neighbour's step.'

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

"But our history was current events when you were at school Dad!"

"Kind words help the dairy cow produce good milk. They go in one ear and out the udder."