Parish Humorist Gifts

'The church offering was really down this week, we received three I.O.U.'s.'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Support group for sheep.

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

Monk Prompt

How's my sermon. . .

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

The ten ammendments

Sermon Applause.

"...and in conclusion..."

The Sleeping Congregation.

'Even More Disciples'

Bishops Snooker

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

"He was much more effective in the field."

Who says religion can't have a sense of humour.

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

Applause

The Pope getting a Popsicle for Popes from the Freezer

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"