Parishioner With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

Yonder: Roll Call Every 15 Min.

Support group for sheep.

Sock Puppet in Literature

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Collections were down. We had to get creative."

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"He was much more effective in the field."

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

'Nonsense! They can't All have headaches.'

"Instagram . . . weAPPon of mass distraction."

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

Two men in T-shirts, one shirt says Jesus loves me, the other Jesus loves me more.

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

'So long as he doesn't preach what he practices.'

"What - no alcohol, no women, no swearing? I want you to say 950 prayers as punishment for wasting your life!"

Minister's File

"Reading the Sunday Funnies 'religiously' does not count as worship."

A virtue of vicars

'She'd put 'The fear of God' into God himself!'

"His sermon last Sunday, 'The Meek Shall Inherit the Earth,' had them rolling in the aisles."

"Ugh, I need to hide - he has a strict policy about workplace dating."

"Faith cannot be bought. We do, however, offer an attractive leasing option."

Church: 'We reserve the right to refuse salvation to anyone.'