Humorous Pastor Gifts

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

Support group for sheep.

"It's cool – God told us to!"

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

Monk Prompt

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

How's my sermon. . .

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

Bishops Snooker

The Sleeping Congregation.

The ten ammendments

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

'Even More Disciples'

"...and in conclusion..."

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

Finger puppets in church.

Church restrooms

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

"He's dumbing down the sermons again."

Priest with the Pet Devil.

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

"Thou Shalt not Covid thy Neighbor's Wife!"

"He was much more effective in the field."

Minister Starts at a New Church

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

Applause

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

Excommunicate Me.

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...