Quirky Pastor Gifts

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

Chase me, chase me cows.

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

'Can you just send the digital copy?'

"He's dumbing down the sermons again."

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

'Man, I'm bombing,'

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

Excommunicate Me.

"He doesn't like dinosaurs."

'I understand there have been complaints that his sermons weren't getting through to the teenagers.'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

Early Ram Raids

Off the wall legal advisor.

'Try to keep a straight face when you plead 'not guilty'.'

'I'm terribly mixed up.'

"A representative from headquarters to see you, sir."

I'm afraid I'm going to have to disciplines you, counselor. No problem, your honor. I just happen to have some furry handcuffs in my pocket.

Holy Water and Ice Blocks

'Confessing your sins in a folk ballad was an interesting idea, Larry, but I'm afraid your singing has forced me to add one more sin to your list!'

Beach psychiatrist.

Exorcism and Other Jobs.

Fundamentalist sex ed: people come from ribs, as Adam and Eve.

'Create Adam before Eve -- He'll need some time to clean up around there a little first.'

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'Thou shalt make room for donuts...it's a new commandment for the Church of Danae.'

Instant Baptisms

"If push comes to shove, I bet you could do some damage with the plowshare."

'You make 23,725 little mistakes, they never let you forget it.'

Collection plate at church with signs of the credit cards the church will take.