Humorous Preacher Gifts

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

Support group for sheep.

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Monk Prompt

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

How's my sermon. . .

The ten ammendments

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

'Even More Disciples'

The Sleeping Congregation.

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

"...and in conclusion..."

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

Bishops Snooker

'Can you just send the digital copy?'

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

"He's dumbing down the sermons again."

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"Thou Shalt not Covid thy Neighbor's Wife!"

"He was much more effective in the field."

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

Applause

Excommunicate Me.

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

'Great escapism, Reverend!'

Delivery of Sermon within 30 minutes or your second one's FREE!

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

'Man, I'm bombing,'

'Well, for the sake of argument, just pretend you've done something wicked.'