Humorist Priest Gifts

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"It's cool – God told us to!"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

Sermon Applause.

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

Priest with the Pet Devil.

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

Who says religion can't have a sense of humour.

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

Holy Guacamole.

The Pope getting a Popsicle for Popes from the Freezer

'To be honest I only became a vicar to get my children into the C of E school.'

"'Host' and Cheese?"

Nun reading 'Halo' magazine

'I just glanced back at Sodom and Gomorrah for a second...'

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

"I read the Tibetan Book of the Dead, but I wasn't Enlightened. . . but I did get the munchies."

'Transistional Pope. Is that nice way of saying they hope he doesn't live too long?'

'Maybe you should see an attorney if it was over somebody's head you broke the tablets.'

'I'd like to leave the priesthood to marry you, Sister Agnes, but I hate to leave show biz!'

"I was lucky -- my parents went to Heaven."

'We were just testing our faith.'