Joke Wielding Preacher Gifts

'Man, I'm bombing,'

Chase me, chase me cows.

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

'Can you just send the digital copy?'

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

"He's dumbing down the sermons again."

"You think it's tough down there?"

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

Excommunicate Me.

Priests Play Good Priest, Bad Priest

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

Easter bunny

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

"Please rise."

"...and Lord, we thank You for blessing Farmer Finkel with an abundant bean harvest...and thus our new pews."

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

Early Ram Raids

Church sign.

"Let's work on opening up that fourth chakra."

Priest reads sign above fire extinguisher that says: 'In case of quenchable fire, break glass'.

"If we were really best friends, you would be fetching my slippers once in awhile."

"Wisdom is growing your hair long so the hairs growing in your ears don't show

"According to scripture, Jesus can see you sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you're bad or good. So be... Oops... Never mind... I was thinking of a different deity."

'You sure know how to get under my Dad's skin.'

"Animal sacrifice isn't necessary, son. Just shake out a few dimes."

"Because he didn't even change your name. That's how I know he was talking about you."

St. Peter's Car Park - Pray and Display.

First Church of Money: Today's Sermon 'Salvation Through Investment Income'.

'Great sermon! Thanks for not mentioning me by name.'

"Jesus couldn't be born in America because where would God find three wise men and a virgin?"