Quirky Clergy Gifts

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

'That ISN'T the way to keep the Mass to an hour.'

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

"Patience, you can have it back in a minute..."

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

"Faith cannot be bought. We do, however, offer an attractive leasing option."

Sports Day at the Monastery

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

'Holy shit!'

'Am I going to church - I thought Christmas gave me a pass till Easter.'

"A representative from headquarters to see you, sir."

Exorcism and Other Jobs.

Fundamentalist sex ed: people come from ribs, as Adam and Eve.

'Joe gives 'em the bad news, and I give 'em the good news, just like 'good cop - bad cop'!'

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'Thou shalt make room for donuts...it's a new commandment for the Church of Danae.'

Instant Baptisms

'Create Adam before Eve -- He'll need some time to clean up around there a little first.'

"If push comes to shove, I bet you could do some damage with the plowshare."

'You make 23,725 little mistakes, they never let you forget it.'

Hop-scotching monk.

Knitting.

Evangelist and dog trainer extraordinaire, Ernie Gumbromowitz.

'So God created the world in six days. Any sort of warranty on it?'

"New drive-thru confessional!"

'Lord, we worship the water you walk on.'

"I'm going to need a receipt."

Beware of God.