Quirky Clergy Pillows

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

'That ISN'T the way to keep the Mass to an hour.'

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

"Patience, you can have it back in a minute..."

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

"Faith cannot be bought. We do, however, offer an attractive leasing option."

Sports Day at the Monastery

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

'Holy shit!'

'Am I going to church - I thought Christmas gave me a pass till Easter.'

"A representative from headquarters to see you, sir."

'Confessing your sins in a folk ballad was an interesting idea, Larry, but I'm afraid your singing has forced me to add one more sin to your list!'

Exorcism and Other Jobs.

Fundamentalist sex ed: people come from ribs, as Adam and Eve.

'Joe gives 'em the bad news, and I give 'em the good news, just like 'good cop - bad cop'!'

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'Thou shalt make room for donuts...it's a new commandment for the Church of Danae.'

Instant Baptisms

'Create Adam before Eve -- He'll need some time to clean up around there a little first.'

"If push comes to shove, I bet you could do some damage with the plowshare."

Collection plate at church with signs of the credit cards the church will take.

'You make 23,725 little mistakes, they never let you forget it.'

Hop-scotching monk.

Knitting.

Evangelist and dog trainer extraordinaire, Ernie Gumbromowitz.

Disorganized Religion

"Swag."

'So God created the world in six days. Any sort of warranty on it?'

"New drive-thru confessional!"

'Lord, we worship the water you walk on.'

"I'm going to need a receipt."

Beware of God.