Quirky Congregation Member Pillows

Collection plate at church with signs of the credit cards the church will take.

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

United Church of OMG

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Hey Frank, any plans for after church?"

"Collections were down. We had to get creative."

"Are you sure it's okay for cardinals to live at a Protestant church?"

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

"Hello Mr. Wibley. I haven't seen you in church lately!"

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."

"Instagram . . . weAPPon of mass distraction."

Speaking words of wisdom, letter B

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

Out for lunch... GOD

The 1st annual pet baptism was also the last

'I'm interested in being born again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.'

"And now, a few words about the feel-God factor"

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

"There's someone sleeping in my pew, and she's still there!"

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

Two men in T-shirts, one shirt says Jesus loves me, the other Jesus loves me more.

'I understand the new usher is in the restaurant business.'