Church-goer With A Twist Pillows

'Only way I can get people in on a Sunday.'

'I think I just blew my diet. Do you know what the glycemic index is for a communion host?'

"OK, so you've told us what God thinks... but now I'd like to know what YOU think!"

Man waiting to receive communion drinks soda

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Early Piety

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Priest

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

'Let us pray...'

Verger Works

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

Pastor's Bumper Sticker: Save the Congregation

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

'Father James, I slept with Father Henry from next parish... Is that a sin?' - 'Of course!! You belong to my parish!'

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."

Baptism Then and Now

"God created Heaven and Earth in seven days but has failed us miserably with Brexit."

"Amen. Please help me up."

"No, the Trinity is not the Father, The Son, and the Preacher's wife."

CCTV in church.