Quirky Pastor Pillows

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

Chase me, chase me cows.

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

'Can you just send the digital copy?'

"He's dumbing down the sermons again."

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

'Man, I'm bombing,'

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

Excommunicate Me.

'I understand there have been complaints that his sermons weren't getting through to the teenagers.'

"He doesn't like dinosaurs."

Early Ram Raids

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

Off the wall legal advisor.

'Try to keep a straight face when you plead 'not guilty'.'

'I'm terribly mixed up.'

Holy Water and Ice Blocks

"A representative from headquarters to see you, sir."

Instant Baptisms

Exorcism and Other Jobs.

Fundamentalist sex ed: people come from ribs, as Adam and Eve.

'Create Adam before Eve -- He'll need some time to clean up around there a little first.'

Beach psychiatrist.

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'Thou shalt make room for donuts...it's a new commandment for the Church of Danae.'

"If push comes to shove, I bet you could do some damage with the plowshare."

'You make 23,725 little mistakes, they never let you forget it.'