Playful Preacher Pillows

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

Excommunicate Me.

"He's dumbing down the sermons again."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

Ice Cream Surgeon

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"Black or white, Vicar?"

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

Night-time halo

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

Thou Shalt Not!

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

Dogma

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

Minister to marrying couple: 'Remember, you're under oath.'

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

The ecumenical dinner party.

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

"We missed you at church Sunday."