Parish Humorist Pillows

'The church offering was really down this week, we received three I.O.U.'s.'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Support group for sheep.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

Pope tarts.

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Monk Prompt

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

How's my sermon. . .

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

The ten ammendments

'Even More Disciples'

Sermon Applause.

Bishops Snooker

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

"...and in conclusion..."

The Sleeping Congregation.

'Nice try, but Disneyland isn't a foreign mission.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

"He was much more effective in the field."

Who says religion can't have a sense of humour.

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

Applause

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"