Parenting Paragon Gifts

"Rabbi, what should I do about my son? He refuses to do his Calculus, he's dropped swimming and arate, and he hasn't touched his violin for weeks!"

City Zoo: Day Care

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"They grow up so fast."

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

The Baby Walker

A baby duck in a tiny car seat on the mother duck's back.

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Sounds that various toys make when they are vacuumed up.

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

A mother and baby elephant

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"It's a new work-out video. It shows a mother chasing after three little children all day."

"Don't tell me... you hired a professional decorator!"

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"One of the advantages of working from home is the free tech support."

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

'Well, he's definitely got your nose...'

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

"They followed me home from school - can I keep 'em?"

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

'Everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other.'

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

Something tells me it's not going to be a good school report!