Parenting Paladin Gifts

Batman's Baby

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

The Endless Battle of the Organic Gardener

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

"Don't tell me... you hired a professional decorator!"

Mom, there's a simple explanation for this...Aliens from outer space.

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

Mother puts extra long dummy in babies mouth.

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

Soldier armed with a pen.

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

'Never mind about buying that trampoline. I love your new bed!'

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.' (at restaurant with three kids)

"Has your mom tried turning him off and back on again?"

That's my daughter, Alayna

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

Buggy with Snowplow.

'Beware of teething baby.'

"Why not stay with your mother and me? The Feds will never find you here."

"Be afraid to try new things!"

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

"Should we keep the receipt in case of returns."

'You'll never be the next Micheal Phelps if you don't start working on your breaststroke.'

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

Woman feeding baby is covered in food.

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

'Hey, Dad. We learned all about the Kama Sutra at school today... Oh no, not the Kama Sutra, I mean The Magna Carta.'

"Jackson Pollock's diaper"