Parenting Pirate Gifts

The Whirled review - Baby on board!

Catching Jeffrey To Change His Diaper.

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

Mother puts extra long dummy in babies mouth.

'Isn't he supposed to sit on your shoulder Captain?'

"I have a new program that draws from his energy to power all our computers and phones. We should be good for the next 10 years."

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

"Getting into a fight is one thing, but did you have to get into a class-clearing brawl?"

Batman's Baby

'I almost get out the door and then my mom yells...'Don't you know it's February?!' And here I am again...looking like an eskimo.'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"Should we keep the receipt in case of returns."

'Ugh Not Again!'

'You'll never be the next Micheal Phelps if you don't start working on your breaststroke.'

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

'I home-schooled all seven kids. Right now I'm in the teacher's lounge.'

'...you'd better get yourself a good lawyer!'

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

'Wow, Mom, how long has he been in time-out?'

Remote Control Pirate Ship.

'We'll just blame it on the fish.'

"I discovered a way to get Steven to eat his vegetables. I put chocolate syrup on them."

Australian baby with toys hanging from his hat rather than corks

I mean, do I set the oven at 400'? 450'? How long do I keep them in? Do I turn them halfway through cooking? Oh, if only children came with instructions.

"When can I redeploy?"

"...then click 'save settings', scroll down to 'done' and voila! You're on Facebook stalking Miriam's daughter's new husband."

"It's your job to work hard and get good grades, David. It's my job to make your mother laugh."

'I do set limits. For example, he wasn't allowed to use the tablet computer until after he downloaded a potty training app.'

"Remember - kindergarten is an excellent opportunity to make connections for first grade."

'When mom went to work for us, did you ask for references?'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'