Seafaring Parent Gifts

Popeye in the maternity waiting room "It's a buoy"

'Strained carrots again! What am I being punished for this time?'

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

Captain steering house through flood.

Viking Loch Ness

'There is no point in leaving civilization, because civilization will not leave you.'

"Everyone says she has the clutter of someone twice her age."

Lighthouse Beam.

It's a Boy

"We've created a safe, nonjudgmental environment that will leave you child ill-prepared for real life."

"Travelling with Child Sketchbook - day 2."

Pirate

"We'd love to come, but we can't seem to find a sitter."

'Have you cleaned behind your ears?'

'How long have you operated multi-engines, sailor?'

'I never believed in spanking children - until today!'

"So tell me, exactly when do you think the Greenland ice cap will start to melt?"

Thoughtful gifts for that special pirate in your life.

"International trade"

"Look lively crew, lest we be dashed upon these scrumptious shores."

'Captain, there's someone pissing in the hold!'

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

'I told you that parrot didn't know how to navigate.'

'Don't come down until your thirty five.'

If this is how 3-year-olds see the world, it's no wonder they're always crying."

'Well, we still think you're a naughty boy, running away to sea like that!'

'You must stop feeding him fish oils to make him cleverer.'

Baby with projectile vomit

"It gets easier the second time."

"Ye God's... That was close."

"Whaddya say, Black? We'll plunder the seas together. You scratch my back; I'll scratch yours."

'I realize you love my boat, but you've been on it for nearly a month now. Do me a favor and go home.'

"The only problem with working for a pirate is that we tend to only sail in the Caribbeans: It gets boring after a while..."

'Maybe I should abandon my crew and keep all the treasure for myself!'

"That should attract every over 60s cruise ship, in the area."