Parenting Paragon Pillows

"Rabbi, what should I do about my son? He refuses to do his Calculus, he's dropped swimming and arate, and he hasn't touched his violin for weeks!"

City Zoo: Day Care

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"They grow up so fast."

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

A baby duck in a tiny car seat on the mother duck's back.

The Baby Walker

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

Gifts for a cloned baby!

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

A mother and baby elephant

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

"It's a new work-out video. It shows a mother chasing after three little children all day."

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"Don't tell me... you hired a professional decorator!"

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

"One of the advantages of working from home is the free tech support."

'Well, he's definitely got your nose...'

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"They followed me home from school - can I keep 'em?"

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

'Everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other.'

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

Something tells me it's not going to be a good school report!

"No more diapers. Simply lift the lid and go here."