Parental Support Jokers Pillows

"I'm looking forward to the next thirty five years of her living with us."

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

Dad Trophies

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

'Remember,when he says 'gotta go download',he means 'go potty'.'

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."

'How's daddy's little deductions doing?'

"How come I always get the crying baby right behind me?"

'Hey, dad, I taught the dog to sit!'

"I'm not concerned about us as long as there is nothing in the stimulus package for cats."

'And you said he'd shoot his eye out with a BB Gun!'

'Did you find any clothes?'

"Can't you just relax and enjoy my childhood."

"The fish isn't renewable, but I know the fisherman has 6 kids and counting."

"When I said change the baby, I meant his diapers!"

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

Possible Titles For My Upcoming Autobiography

'Junior is just a little confused.'

'Help Doctor!! My baby swallowed a pencil!'

"Doctor, should I have a baby after 38?"

'Of course I respect him more than you - He's house trained!'

"Dad, can you just ground me instead?"

"Day 1: Back in the carrier."

'Tsk - he will keep throwing things out of the buggy.'

'Nope.'

The cost of bringing up children soars to more than £140,000.

'I hope Daddy wins the mating fight, otherwise, we'll end up with half brothers and sisters...'

"I can't continue working these hours...I feel as though I'm missing Michael's childhood...." "His name's Mark!"

"Mum.... I need to poo."