Parental Support Jokers Gifts

"I'm looking forward to the next thirty five years of her living with us."

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

Dad Trophies

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

'No not there. Let's try it over here this time...'

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."

'Remember,when he says 'gotta go download',he means 'go potty'.'

'How's daddy's little deductions doing?'

"How come I always get the crying baby right behind me?"

I'd like to donate to your theater, but

'Hey, dad, I taught the dog to sit!'

"I'm not concerned about us as long as there is nothing in the stimulus package for cats."

'And you said he'd shoot his eye out with a BB Gun!'

'Did you find any clothes?'

"Can't you just relax and enjoy my childhood."

We put our child's art on the fridge - Unfortunately, she's a sculptor.

'He's lookin' at me!'

"The fish isn't renewable, but I know the fisherman has 6 kids and counting."

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

"When I said change the baby, I meant his diapers!"

'Junior is just a little confused.'

'Help Doctor!! My baby swallowed a pencil!'

Possible Titles For My Upcoming Autobiography

"Doctor, should I have a baby after 38?"

The cost of bringing up children soars to more than £140,000.

"Dad, can you just ground me instead?"

"Day 1: Back in the carrier."

'Tsk - he will keep throwing things out of the buggy.'

'Of course I respect him more than you - He's house trained!'

'Nope.'

'I hope Daddy wins the mating fight, otherwise, we'll end up with half brothers and sisters...'

"I can't continue working these hours...I feel as though I'm missing Michael's childhood...." "His name's Mark!"