Parental Humorists Pillows

'I knew there was a reason mom was so anxious to buy me this toy!'

Madonna of the Pukes.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

"Good news. It's a small pig."

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

The Wright brothers discover the first nightmare flight

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"