Parental Humorists Pillows

We're very disappointed. We thought the nanny has raised you better than this. Precinct.

'I knew there was a reason mom was so anxious to buy me this toy!'

Madonna of the Pukes.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"Beds are not made for jumping on."

"Have you seen my dad?"

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

The Wright brothers discover the first nightmare flight

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

'No not there. Let's try it over here this time...'

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

Sperm Whale.