Parental Humor Seeker Pillows

"The scratchpost is for the cat, the other one is for my son."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

'Remember,when he says 'gotta go download',he means 'go potty'.'

"What do you think is a good step goal for someone who's just started walking?"

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

"Mom, when the baby's born, can I have the bubble wrap it's shipped in?"

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

"If we're lucky, she'll get a single wear out of this."

"I have to wear a bike helmet all the time after Mommie heard cars kill more pedestrians than cyclists!"

'His vocabulary is growing by leaps and soap bubbles.'

"Open up for the choo-choo train!"

Young Godzilla.

A Mom's Purse

'And you said he'd shoot his eye out with a BB Gun!'

Wild Child

"Wow, yours is already climbing your beard!"

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

'Actually both my kids are twins...'

"But mom, I can't clean my room now. I just won the Kids Bedroom Seal of Approval!"