Parental Humor Seeker Gifts

"The scratchpost is for the cat, the other one is for my son."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

'No not there. Let's try it over here this time...'

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

Sperm Whale.

'Remember,when he says 'gotta go download',he means 'go potty'.'

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

"What do you think is a good step goal for someone who's just started walking?"

Mom dwarves.

"I have to wear a bike helmet all the time after Mommie heard cars kill more pedestrians than cyclists!"

"Mom, when the baby's born, can I have the bubble wrap it's shipped in?"

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

"If we're lucky, she'll get a single wear out of this."

'His vocabulary is growing by leaps and soap bubbles.'

"Open up for the choo-choo train!"

A Mom's Purse

Young Godzilla.

'And you said he'd shoot his eye out with a BB Gun!'

"Wow, yours is already climbing your beard!"

Wild Child

'Actually both my kids are twins...'

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

"But mom, I can't clean my room now. I just won the Kids Bedroom Seal of Approval!"

"I'd like a note excusing me from my wife's childbirth!"