Parent-child Banter Enthusiast Pillows

"I don't see why I have to learn this stuff! It's knowledge I'll never need! As long as you're here to translate for me."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

"Well, maybe you want crackers Mum, but frankly, given the choice, I would prefer chocolate cake..."

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

"I have to wear a bike helmet all the time after Mommie heard cars kill more pedestrians than cyclists!"

'What are you in for?'

"I'm trying to make them look less scary."

"But mom, I can't clean my room now. I just won the Kids Bedroom Seal of Approval!"

"The kids have stopped saying 'are we there yet?'"

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

'Don't clean me up too good... no one will recognize me.'

"Your mom is a little overprotective, isn't she?"

'Ooopsss! I did it again.'

"But Mom said to ask YOU!"

I arrived, I Ate, I Conquered (aka Pooped).

'....How many babies are you going to have, mommy?"

"Has your mother called yet on the international situation?"

'They sort of grow on you.'

Mother tells son, who is watching DVDs: 'No, I don't think we need a 'national debate' on the issue of bedtime.'

"Stop following me! I taught you all that I know."

The terrible 2's. It was an awful stage.

'I wish you hadn't shown Daddy the lovely Mother's day present you bought me. I haven't told him I'm pregnant yet!'

Children Who Have Given Up Soap For Lent

"You claimed I was getting on your last nerve. Having only one nerve left sounds serious, so I called an ambulance."

'Mum said I take after your side of the family, Dad!'

"I think our daughter got her brains from me."

"All right! We'll hear the pester-power figures next."

'I think i cried myself inside out!'