Paranoid Poultry Chef Gifts

The Nervous Gourmet:Low-Risk Chicken

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

The Government's Got Your Back. And Wants Your Front As Well.

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

Ghostbasters 3

'I told him not to wear stretchy pants to dinner.'

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

"The penicillin looks good."

'Tasty bird.'

"Shouldn't there be some sort of pecking order around here?"

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

"They're out to get me... I keep getting phone calls that say 'spam risk'."

"Sherlock Combs there said he believes it's an inside job."

'With proper flossing there's no reason for hens to not have teeth.'

Hen Night

'You think irritable fowl syndrome is bad? Just wait until you hit menopause.'

The poultry mania - Cochin China Fowls

"Nothing to worry about. A nuggetectomy is a very simple procedure."

'It might be a satanic cult: Not only did they chop his head off, they're stuffing his body with bread now...'

Turkey tries using a trick t-shirt to avoid being selected for dinner.

'I have to face it Irma, I haven't laid an egg in a week now: I'm menopausal...'

Chicken Little's Cousin, Turkey Little: 'The Axe is falling! The axe is falling!'

"All our devices are talking to each other - about me."

"Just between us, I came first, but I shredded the evidence."

I rented a car from Hertz the other day, and there was a camera in it. Really? Someone forgot their camera? No, I mean in the dashboard. There was a little camera pointed at me. I have no idea who or what was watching me. Maybe it was Hertz. Maybe it was the NSA. Maybe it was for American Idol auditions. To cover all my bases, I sang the Star-Spangled Banner the whole drive. I'm never renting from Hertz again.

Chicken Little meets Chicken Medium.

'You're problem is you don't think big enough.'

"So if I replace all the ingredients with sand I should be okay."

"Cross the road and you are one of us brother, but you can never reveal WHY you did it!"

"So how do we know if they've got this helium virus?"

"I filled your pool with anitbacterial soap. It's just until the swine flu alert is over."

Hen throws an egg and the picture turns to daytime.

Mother Clucker