Panic Ponderer Gifts

'it's either mass hysteria, or a very effective advertising campaign.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

Late BroomStick

"Why bother?"

"Needs to get a life"

"Oh boy charades! I love charades! Something big? Is it a bird? It's sharp! Behind? Above?"

No Immediate Danger

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"You dropped yer wallet."

Ghost puddle

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

'When we bought this place we thought we'd only be making wine. Apparently, we're also into spirits.'

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

'You can fill your teddy bear with stuffing or with a demonic spirit summoned from the nether regions.'

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

Experts through the ages.

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

Conspiracy Cat

Max Weber

'Is there a lady in the audience whose late husband says he never did put up that shelf?'

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Prepper Dog

"Ok, you were right – dogs can see ghosts."

"It's Eden. You don't have to keep checking for ticks."

"Oh no, not another pandemic!"

Hypochodriac worrying about his heart.

'I can't shake off this feeling we're being watched.'

Telling Self to Buzz Off

'Do you get the feeling we're being watched?'

"A plague of frogs? Awesome!"

'No, this is area 50...Area 51 is over that way...'