Overvaluation Humorist Gifts

"And then, like an idiot, I turned to the boss and said 'Maybe the stock market isn't the only thing that's been overvalued!'"

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

'I wasted a lot of time in graduate school to get this job.'

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

Trickledown economics

A dog dressed as a cowboy leans against a sign that reads "Armed response".

No! I said a 100-foot Piazza!

Son, I don't think this was how Whistler painted HIS mother.

"Good to see they're trying to keep the high street vibe."

'Eh, love. The one armed bandit at the end of the bar isn't working.'

Aliens - 'We heard stuff is cheap here.'

"It's right here in the brochure: 'Be sure to tip your fishing guide.'"

Office of economic forecasting.

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

"The tricky bit is finding some UK infrastructure that's working to switch it off."

"Well I got a dog because I wanted to spend more time brushing hair off my clothes, and picking up poop."

'We buy and sell them.'

Come back in, no one will laugh at you.

'How much are your upside-down cakes? 99p.'

'Oh dear. I seem to have put the decimal point in the wrong place again.'