Overeducated Humorist Gifts

'I wasted a lot of time in graduate school to get this job.'

Ethics exam cheater.

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'It's basically a good master's thesis, but the word you want is 'serfs,' not 'smurfs.''

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

Math Teacher

'We built this city on Rock 'n' Roll, yeah baby. Is not an accurate assessment of our town's history.'

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

Empty Headed Schoolboy

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

"11th Grade Math for Nincompoops"

'People, get a half-life!'

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'