Enlightened Humorist Gifts

'Nobody's looking -- how about a third-eye opener?'

"Wisdom is growing your hair long so the hairs growing in your ears don't show

Ethics exam cheater.

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

Intelligent people laugh too!

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

"Je suis Descartes, donc, je pense."

Scarcity

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

Archimedes statue with a lever

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"...You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here... You talking to me?!" "Narcissus De Niro"

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

Optimist

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"He's very disciplined about his writing, every morning he stares at the keyboard for at least 4 hours before he allows himself a cup of tea!"

Math Teacher

Kultural K9's.

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

'Neither a lender nor a borrower be.'

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'