Sophisticated Humorist Gifts

'His BACH is worse than his bite.'

"Reservations, please. And while I wait, I'd like to hear Act II of 'Tosca' sung by Tito Gobbi and Maria Callas."

Urbane Guerillas

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Intelligent people laugh too!

"Gee, thanks pal."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Scarcity

"Je suis Descartes, donc, je pense."

Archimedes statue with a lever

Honest Vending

"...You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here... You talking to me?!" "Narcissus De Niro"

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"The Eggsorcist"

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."