Sophisticated Satirist Gifts

"Lionel will be watching the new Administration very closely."

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

Sock Puppet in Literature

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"International best seller! It's just a squirrel."

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

William Makepeace Thackeray.

'Secondhand smoke.'

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

Bachelors and Masters degrees.

'I just read 'Moby Dick'...do you have anymore 'whale hate' literature?'

Waiting Room For Godot.

'His BACH is worse than his bite.'

'Don't believe everything you read.'

Thomas Carlyle

"My book is actually about 12th century Etruscan pottery but I thought it might sell better if I aimed it at the children's market."

"Thank god for Sudoku."

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

You're Employment has been terminated -Smiley face lol

'I'm not interested in what the paper is about, Dr Jones, I just want you to put me on the authors' list...'

"He was murdered with one of the rejection slips he sent."

'To be or not to be . . . contingent on royal funding.'

"Reservations, please. And while I wait, I'd like to hear Act II of 'Tosca' sung by Tito Gobbi and Maria Callas."

'Poet Laureate' door 'Gone to lunch-back twixt 2 &3'

Woman uses birds to help her believe she has lost weight.

"I've been toiling for months to write the great American tweet."

"This was an advanced civilization. I see a little copyright symbol."

'I'll publish it if you include a character obviously based on me.'

"This book is the future of literature. It is paper-free to help save the planet and completely free of words and images so no one is offended."

"Do you have other references? We feel your guardian angel would be biased in your favor."

John Bunyan and Alfred Deakin