Outdoor Sitting Gifts

Thought bubble mirrors the cloud in the sky.

Whenever I let my conscience be my guide, I get picked up for vagrancy. (Published originally on 8/5/2006.)

When Chassidim sit outside for too long.

Glastonbury. After.

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

'He just burst into my campsite, and broke my banjo!'

Don't forget the hosepipe ban!

'I know that bird feeder is guaranteed to be squirrel-proof, but I still think they are getting in there.'

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."

"Shake! Good Dog."

'Tut! Men and their sheds, eh?'

"Darling, wait until you taste the new year's menu I have ordered for us!"

Turtle Trailer Court

Sunbathing in the park

"He's declared it an area of natural beauty"

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

'It was only 500 yds across but as he visualised the GPS blind spot the risks seemed immense.'

"...Stop complaining if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

Beginning Yarder.

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

The Martini is invented.

"I do like a plant that can hold its drink"

"The Taco is good on the trail but where do I put the drink?"

'Don finally figured out a way to keep the squirrels from getting at the bird feeder.'

'The TZ90C with triple boosted propane burners and a titanium mesh grill with carbon fibre casings is the only way to guarantee that genuine back to nature outdoor flavour.'

"I thought we'd eat out on the patio for a change."

"I'm not angry, but in the future I’d prefer it if you chewed up her Sue Graftons, not my P.G. Wodehouses."

"Not to mention the park view."

Prosecco Peacock

"The parasol certainly paid for itself this summer."

'To be honest I'm sick of truffles.'