Outdoor Safety Cynic Gifts

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

'It's great to get back to the simple life'

Winter Weather.

"I packed the cooking gear like you told me, Dad...where do I plug it in?"

307 days without an accident.

'Oh, I'm not looking for Gold, I'm checking for bear-traps...'

'Just stop for a minute. Smell that pine scent. Drink in the view. I don't think we could pick a better site for our 'Mega-Mall'!'

Warning: this is a safe area.

"I'm not going to hammer it in. You hammer it in."

Rules and procedure

Fall Rocks/Deer Crossing

'All this 'elf and safety is taking the edge off sieges.'

Test dummies in car, "Oh my god dave, look out for that wall!"

Beware: Safe Area.

Alberta on fire

'I fail to note the significance of rising sea levels here on the 39th floor.'

Caution - Sign partly concealed by bush

'I'll bet this would be more fun on a computer.'

"Never mind honey, I found the garage door opener."

'It scored first in everything except the rollover tests...'

"Aliens poked and experimented on me for 8 hours -- and there wasn't even a co-pay!"

"Our safety manual is nothing but a big joke."

Hell's first aid box...

'Nature makes me nervous!'

Forest Fire Hazard

If the N.R.A. ran the D.O.T.

'Oh it's quite a D.U.S.I.'

The H.M.O. Expensive Care Unit: The we all have to go sometime ward.

"The DEC advises hikers to stand out by wearing bright orange. I feel so much safer now!"

"You do have health insurance....right?"

Acme Discount Life Vests

'When do you guys plan to invent a crash test dummy?'

"Of course it's not safe. That's why I'm here."

"I don't think we've time for a risk-reward analysis."

'Oh, come on, they wouldn't sell it if it wasn't safe.'