Safety Cynic Gifts

"No wonder your arm aches. Shackles should be placed at eye level. Man, it's an ergonomic nightmare down here."

'All this 'elf and safety is taking the edge off sieges.'

307 days without an accident.

Beware: Safe Area.

'Believe me, this was much more dramatic before the park service got hold of it.'

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

A fire extinguisher box with band aids in them has a sign above with reads, "In case you cut yourself breaking glass break this glass."

Dr Ed Henderson demonstrates that it IS possible for someone to become too familiar with the safety rules.

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

"OSHA is going to hear about this!"

"Looks like a tragic accident Chief. Although how he could trip and fall under a road roller beats me."

"Oh really, Gerald! You're removing honey from the hives, not plutonium!"

Warning: this is a safe area.

'Let's talk about your smoking problem.'

'Here's an over-the-counter prescription for your nerves. Have your bartender fill it.'

Rules and procedure

'I'll tell you what our problem is. It's always 'do this, dummy,' or 'do that, dummy.''

Book in library - 'Crash tests for dummies' (being read by a crash test dummy).

'You can't wear that on site!....

'Ms Wayne, check with the legal department. Why must we obey the rules?'

"Never mind honey, I found the garage door opener."

'I fail to note the significance of rising sea levels here on the 39th floor.'

Caution - Sign partly concealed by bush

"Aliens poked and experimented on me for 8 hours -- and there wasn't even a co-pay!"

This country is on the road to ruin!

'It scored first in everything except the rollover tests...'

'Oh it's quite a D.U.S.I.'

Hell's first aid box...

CAUTION ANTI-CLIMB PAINT

"Our safety manual is nothing but a big joke."

If the N.R.A. ran the D.O.T.

'All roads may lead to Rome but so does all the road rage.'

"You do have health insurance....right?"

'I have no intention of depending on the government for my homeland security.'

The H.M.O. Expensive Care Unit: The we all have to go sometime ward.